12 reasons to accept the ‘carer’ label
- Nikki Brown
- 18 hours ago
- 9 min read
Updated: 7 hours ago
For many of us who look after a family member, partner, or friend we don’t think of ourselves as their carer. We’re much more likely to define ourselves by our relationship - I’m their mother, son, brother, friend, neighbour...
If we love someone, or feel responsible for them, it can feel incredibly hard to pinpoint when being supportive or helping out shifts into something more. And the honest answer is that there is no single point or clear line that marks this transition, making it very difficult to define.
On top of this the word carer can just feel uncomfortable. It can sound heavy, clinical, or makes us feel like we’re complaining. For some of us, the term clashes with cultural expectations, or brings challenging questions about the future. Others may feel excluded from using the term because we don’t provide hands-on support, live nearby, or qualify for Carer’s Allowance.
All of these feelings are valid. But, accepting the ‘carer’ label is about so much more than the language we use. It’s about unlocking support, rights, and opportunities that can make life just a little easier.
“It’s definitely worth it. My husband now has three days of care a week and I got so much help and advice.”
Together we will explore:
What is an unpaid carer?
The government describes a carer as:
“A carer is someone who helps another person, usually a relative or friend, in their day-to-day life” They go on to say:
“Where it appears to a local authority that a carer may have needs for support (whether currently or in the future), the authority must assess — whether the carer does have needs for support (or is likely to do so in the future), and if the carer does, what those needs are (or are likely to be in the future).”
To note, receiving Carer’s Allowance or another benefit doesn’t make us “paid carers.” That financial support is recognition of the role we are carrying, not a wage.
It’s easy to confuse unpaid carers with paid care workers, but they are very different roles. Paid care workers are employed to support people, often through local authorities or private care providers.
Unpaid carers, on the other hand, are family members, friends, or neighbours who step in because someone in their life needs them.
Reasons we may struggle to use the word ‘carer’
There are many reasons that the word ‘carer’ can feel uncomfortable or heavy. By exploring where the blocker is for us, we may be able to work through it.
Being a carer often suggests something long-term, and that can feel overwhelming - especially when we don’t know how long our situation will last or what the future might look like.
Others don’t identify as carers because of the type or amount of support we provide. We may not live with the person we look after, we may only step in a few hours a week, or we might be supporting someone on more of an emotional level - such as if they struggle with their mental health, or an addiction. We may not be physically lifting someone, helping them bathe, or other more commonly seen examples of caring - but it doesn’t make the weight of responsibility any less.
Sometimes, being told we don’t qualify for Carer’s Allowance or other benefits makes us feel like we can’t call ourselves carers at all. But eligibility for financial support doesn’t define the role - we’re still carrying the responsibility of supporting someone.
For some of us, looking after someone feels like the natural thing to do because we love or care about them. We don’t think of ourselves as carers - we think of ourselves as their parent, child, partner, or friend. Using the label can feel like it detracts from the emotional side of what we do and why, or feel difficult because of how our loved one might see it. No one wants to think of themselves as someone who needs a carer, or feel that we see them as a burden.
And for some, cultural expectations play a role. In many communities, caring is viewed as a natural part of our relationship with someone - especially a parent or grandparent. This can make identifying as a carer feel like we are going against what is expected from us, or even cause friction with other family members.
“In our culture, there isn't a specific word for a ‘carer,’ but it's an implied role, especially for the youngest child, like me, who still lives with their parents. Caring for family members is an unwritten expectation.”
These feelings are all real and valid. But recognising ourselves as carers doesn’t mean we stop being daughters, partners, friends. Or detract from the amazing support we are providing. It simply gives us access to vital support that can make our lives, and the lives of the person we look after, easier.
“It was quite a relief to be given the label of a carer. It helped me understand I was dealing with more than I had realised and needed to think about the support I had around me.”
There is also no obligation to refer to ourselves as a carer in every situation, or change the way we talk about ourselves. We also don’t have to tell friends or family who may bring their own negative opinions to the conversation. We can take small steps, such as registering as a carer, without letting anyone know if we don’t feel comfortable in doing so, but these simple changes can unlock a wealth of additional emotional and practical support.
12 benefits the ‘carer’ label can unlock
1. Access to information and practical support
Once we register as a carer, we can request a Carer’s Assessment from our local authority. This opens the door to both financial and practical support, from respite breaks to equipment or training designed to make our role more manageable.
“They had to check what funding was available but contacted me back that afternoon. The outcome of the meeting was they can offer us a bedtime call for both of us. They also offered me a sit-in service for my partner to give me a break for two hours every Monday. This starts tomorrow and I cannot wait. What has surprised me is how quick things have been put in place.”
We can also find a wealth of helpful information out there specifically for those of us in caring roles. This might be through access to online blogs or guides, in-person support, events for carers, or peer-led groups with others who have been through similar, such as over on the Mobilise Hub.
2. Unlock discounts and financial support schemes
Identifying as a carer often opens up access to a range of benefits. From funding gained through a Carer’s Assessment, to local discounts for carers on travel, shopping, and leisure activities accessed through a carer’s card. There are a number of schemes out there designed to ease some of the pressure. These benefits exist because society recognises that carers deserve extra support.
“I asked for support to pay for carers and now receive something called direct payments, which allow me to pay a carer for 12 hours each month. It’s not means-tested and now I can pay someone to look after my husband, so I can take a break.”
The specifics will depend on our personal circumstances, and where we live, but we can see what we might be entitled to through this financial checklist.
3. Find local support and groups
Our local carer support organisations often provide information, advice, and a listening ear. Learning to embrace that we are a carer can help us access these groups, where we can find practical help and a community with others who get it, close to home.
“I’d say if you’re not registered with your local carers centre, do consider registering. Even if you don’t feel you need them now, you may be grateful they’re there for you at some point down the track."
We can find more about the benefits of letting our local carer organisations know about our caring role here.
4. Find others in similar situations
Caring can feel isolating, especially if it feels like nobody in our family or circle of friends understands.
By identifying that we are in a caring role, we can connect with others in similar situations. This might be through local peer groups, or online communities like the Mobilise Hub. Talking with people who “get it” can be a huge relief, and sharing challenges or what’s worked can not only be educational, but offer a big emotional relief.
“Now I feel part of a community and I know I can get helpful advice, a pep talk, or empathy when I need it.”
5. Protect our rights at work
As carers we have legal rights, including those set out in the Carer’s Leave Act and flexible working regulations, or the right to a Carer’s Assessment. But to use those rights, we often need to formally identify ourselves as carers, either with our workplace or local authority.
Without that recognition, our employers or local support organisations will not know we’re entitled to support.
6. Helps health and social care professionals understand our role
Doctors, nurses, and social workers are more likely to involve us in decisions when they understand that we are carers for the person we look after.
Identifying ourselves helps professionals see the bigger picture and ensures our voices are heard when making important decisions, such as during the hospital discharge process.
It also ensures our needs will be considered when both a Carer’s Assessment or Care Needs Assessments are carried out by local services.
7. Access to health checks and flu jabs
If we tell our local GP we are a carer we will be entitled to free flu jabs and, in some areas, annual health checks. These small steps can make a big difference in helping us stay well in ourselves.
“We only have one body. What happens if we don't care for it?”
Taking care of ourselves when looking after someone else can be tricky. If we need more tips for this we might find it helpful to read Caring for someone when we have our own healthcare needs.
8. Encourages us to think long-term
While it can feel incredibly challenging, accepting that we are a carer for someone can encourage us to look ahead. Whether that’s planning for emergencies, thinking about who else might be able to help with our caring role, or putting support in place for the future.
"Being a carer is the most challenging job I’ve ever had. I constantly worry that I’ll get ill and then who’ll care for me!"
While thinking of the future can feel scary, it is really important and can help us feel more prepared and in control.
9. Helps work, family, and friends recognise what we do
When we use the word carer, others can better understand the scale of what we’re taking on. This recognition can encourage more empathy, patience, and practical support from those around us - although sadly this isn’t always the case.
10. Reminds us we deserve help too
Caring is a huge responsibility, and it’s easy to forget ourselves in the process. Accepting that we are in a caring role highlights all we are doing for someone else, and reminds us that we too deserve rest, support, and encouragement.
“Just as important are the things that helped me. After the first visit to the Doctor, I realised I had some choices to make and that I would have to reset my focus and not lose myself to my caring role.”
Read Suzanne’s story, ‘Being a carer crept up on me’, to see how she realised she had become a carer for her husband, and how accepting that changed the way she took care of herself.
11. Gives us language to share our experiences
Sometimes, it’s hard to find the right words to describe what we’re going through. Using the word carer gives us a way to explain our situation clearly to services, employers, or even friends.
It can also help us advocate for ourselves and for the person we care for.
“I was out of my depth and felt distressed. Having the advocacy support of the carers’ service gave me clarity and peace of mind that all would be taken care of – I felt much less pressure and a lot less guilt too!”
12. Reminds us we are more than just carers
Perhaps most importantly, accepting the carer label reminds us that it is just one element of who we are. When we look after someone our entire world can start to revolve around them, but it is vital for our wellbeing to remember we are more than their carer.
We need to hold onto hobbies, passions, friends - the things that make us who we are and help us to feel well and whole.
“It’s important to have something else to focus on. It reminds you there’s more to life than just caring, and that can be really powerful.”
If we are finding this hard we may benefit from reading about how we can hold onto our sense of self while looking after someone. Colin, a carer from the Mobilise community, has also shared his own story on how he found balance and purpose outside of caring.
Closing thoughts and next steps
Accepting the label of carer doesn’t change who we are, or the reasons behind why we look after someone. It simply helps us get the support, recognition, and rights that we deserve.
Why not take one small step today to see what it could unlock for us?
We could:
Register with our GP as a carer
Request a Carer’s Assessment
Join the Mobilise Hub to meet others who really get it
If we would like to register as a carer, but we’re not sure how, we can find everything we need to know in ‘How do I register as an unpaid carer in the UK?’.
We might also have someone in our lives who hasn’t yet accepted that what they are doing is caring. If so, it might be helpful to share this piece with them, to help them access the support they deserve.