How does our gender play a part in our caring experience?
- Emily Hart
- 17 hours ago
- 9 min read
Updated: 9 hours ago
Carers come from all walks of life, young, old, male or female but statistics show that women and girls provide 76% of all unpaid care worldwide. In England and Wales alone, nearly three million women are providing unpaid care for a family or friend.
Our experiences as carers are shaped by many factors, but gender is one of the most influential. Social and cultural expectations surrounding gender can quietly influence who becomes a carer and the pressures and expectations that come with that responsibility, a clear sign that caring doesn’t happen in a vacuum. All of our caring experiences will be different, and that’s normal, but with such a large number of women being disproportionately impacted by caring and men often being overlooked or left out of the discourse, it raises the question of why.
This blog isn’t about blame or pointing fingers. Instead, it's about increasing our understanding of the ways that gender can shape our caring experience, why those differences exist, and empowering ourselves with the right tools and support to navigate them.
What the research (and the Mobilise community) tells us about the influence of gender on caring roles
In England and Wales, around 10% of women provide unpaid care, compared with 7% of men.
A recent Mobilise Moment survey asked how we feel our gender has impacted our experiences of caring and the support we receive.
Women in the community reported balancing multiple responsibilities alongside caring, including household management, childcare, and paid work. Many described an expectation that, as women, they would take on the caring role:
“I feel that, because I’m a woman, the caring role is expected of me in ways it may not be expected of a man.”
“It is almost expected of me with no choice. No help. I'm just left picking up the pieces.”
Others shared:
“I find it ironic that because I love a man who needs care, that I find myself doing all the traditional female roles, that I might otherwise have resisted like the plague, for being limiting, limited, mindless, boring, unpleasant."
Men in the community also shared the different pressures that they face, often around recognition for their caring responsibilities, a lack of access to support or reluctance to ask for help, even when their caring role is demanding. Some feel invisible or assumed to be less equipped in comparison to women:
“Being a male carer in which females are predominant sometimes feels a little strange. Support is given, but it can be different from what women receive.”
“I have found providing intimate care (bathing, toileting) more challenging, partly due to less experience and social conditioning”
Of course, these are patterns, not rules and caring won’t look the same for everyone. Our experiences with caring will also be shaped by many factors like our age, health, financial situation, deep-rooted cultural expectations around caring, and the relationship we have with the person we care for.
Recognising how these gender expectations can intersect with other additional pressures can help us better understand the unique challenges we might come across within our caring role.
By grounding ourselves in the research and familiarising ourselves with the experience of other carers, we can better understand the challenges we face and start thinking about practical ways to navigate them, whatever our gender.
How gender expectations can shape who provides care
As soon as someone needs care, unspoken ideas about gender can shape who steps in. People often see women as “natural carers,” expected to handle personal care, housework, and emotional support. Men, on the other hand, are often expected to manage finances or solve practical problems. These beliefs can guide decisions, often without anyone noticing.
Within the Mobilise community, we often hear examples of women who share that siblings “let it fall to me,” or that caring responsibilities were assumed simply because they were daughters or wives. Men, on the other hand, sometimes describe feeling sidelined or uncertain about how to step into roles that were expected to be fulfilled by a woman.
“I feel there is an expectation that (women) will adopt the caring role. When I cared for my mother, my brother was not expected to take part and was definitely still treated as a sibling by my mother while I was treated as a carer. With my husband again the expectation was that I would care for him. This was as much my expectation as anyone else’s and rather got in the way of my identifying as a carer. It wasn’t until I had my Carers assessment that I realised and accepted that role.”
“Expectation is that it is usually the woman in the relationship who does the caring, not the man, despite equality. Feel that men are not expected to be as good at caring.”
“I feel that, because I’m a woman, the caring role is expected of me in ways it may not be expected of a man.”
Whilst this might not be the experience for all carers, recognising the pattern is helpful in understanding how expectations can quietly influence who carries the load and how that affects each person’s experience with caring.
“My brother walked off from care 2 years ago. I am sure care impacts more women as a result while men do walk off. He does not contribute care, time or financially and his absence makes it frankly impossible for me to manage. Care is the last bastion of frank gender discrimination as the vast majority of carers are women.”
The impact on work, finances and independence
Gender expectations around caring often show up most clearly in our working lives and finances. Research consistently shows that women are more likely than men to change or give up paid work because of caring. Many women might be forced to reduce hours or leave employment altogether to meet caring responsibilities.
“I was working part time when my third child was born, he was diagnosed at birth with several congenital conditions, Down syndrome. So I was unable to return to my part time work.”
“Most women are expected to be the unpaid carers for family members. This really impacts their ability to have meaningful paid work and support their families financially. Also we are so busy taking care of others that we rarely have the chance to take care of our own health because we rarely have time to exercise, have a rest or break, or see a health care professional ourselves.”
These changes can have lasting effects. Stepping back from work doesn’t just affect monthly income, but it can shape career progression, pension contributions and long-term financial security. Over time, this can also affect our confidence and independence, particularly when caring becomes a defining part of daily life rather than something that sits alongside it.
“As a woman, caring is classed as your job and you have to get on with it”
Men may experience different pressures when it comes to work, such as feeling the need to stay in full-time work while managing care alongside employment, sometimes without the same recognition or access to support. In different ways, these gendered expectations can place strain on both men and women and can make it harder to find arrangements that feel fair or sustainable.
“I feel an expectation to be able to cope, not asked how I'm coping and what I need.”
Caring can have a huge impact on our working lives, but with the right information and support around us, it doesn’t have to take away our choices completely.
Understanding the significance of this problem can help us take small, protective steps where possible that can help us if we need them. That might be exploring what support we’re entitled to when it comes to working alongside caring or knowing what carer’s rights might help to support us in the workplace. Or we might benefit from completing a Carer’s Assessment (or an Adult Carer Support plan for those of us living in Scotland), getting guidance on setting boundaries, or support with asking for help, which can make a real difference in protecting both our well-being and our financial stability.
The emotional impact
Caring under gendered expectations can create a complex mix of emotions for people of all genders. Research reflects that these feelings often look different for women and men.
For many of us, caring might come with an added layer of guilt and obligation. Studies have found that female carers often feel morally obliged to put others’ needs first and may experience higher levels of guilt when they feel they’re not doing ‘enough’ or when they think about their own needs or goals.
“It’s just an assumption by family and the person you are caring for that the woman will do the caring.”
“Typically I feel much more is expected of me than my male counterparts. The weight of commitment and responsibility is considerably heavier. I care for my mum and I have 2 brothers. One has dropped all involvement and the other has work and family commitments (as do I)… but as the daughter, I feel it is blatantly taken for granted by all parties that I will sacrifice time, family and work income to do the vast majority of care.”
This often reflects broader social expectations that women should be the ones who care, partly because their caring roles are so tightly tied to identity and emotional labour. This guilt can feel like a deeper emotional burden that can impact our emotional health.
“Typically, I feel much more is expected of me than my male counterparts. The weight of commitment and responsibility is considerably heavier.”
“I feel their(social services) expectations of me are higher than if I was a man”
“I think as a woman and mother your caring instincts maybe give you an advantage but your willingness to ask for help when you’re used to just ‘getting on with it’ can hinder you.”
Men may also experience guilt and emotional pressures, but they might show up differently. For some of us, transitioning into a caring role can bring an unexpected sense of emasculation or even feeling like we’ve “failed” in traditional ideas of what it means to be a man, particularly when independence, strength, or being the provider feels like something that is stereotypically expected of us.
Social norms around masculinity can also make expressing emotion or asking for help feel uncomfortable. Within the Mobilise community, some male carers have shared that while people may be “sympathetic”, practical help and meaningful emotional support can still feel hard to access at times, leaving them to manage both their caring role and others’ expectations alone.
We explore this and support options in the Guide for men providing care and Male health checks when caring for a man.
“Being a male carer in which females are predominant sometimes feels a little strange. Although having said that the support that I receive is given in a helpful, friendly way, very few negative issues”
Over time, these pressures, whether from cultural norms, learned behaviours or social assumptions, can chip away at our sense of self, making it harder to feel like ourselves outside of our caring responsibilities.
“Expectations are extremely high for women in this role with an assumption that they know how to handle all aspects of care”
“I feel that as a woman there is a greater expectation that I will manage the caring role. It is taken for granted within society and family that this is the woman's role. I don't think support is as forthcoming.”
However, identifying these pressures is an important first step. It can help us to understand the emotional impact it can have on us and find the right support.
Talking to other carers who understand and sharing experiences, whether through peer support groups or the Mobilise community, can help normalise feelings that often go unacknowledged.
Navigating expectations and finding support
Gender expectations can shape how we care and how we access support. Recognising these patterns is the first step toward taking control.
Decisions around caring can feel impossible at times, and a complicated mix of factors around our individual circumstances heavily influence important decisions surrounding it. Understanding some of the external pressures that feed into that can help us challenge limiting assumptions and focus on what we can control.
By recognising the influence of gender expectations and taking proactive steps, we can navigate our caring responsibilities with more confidence, protect our wellbeing, and create a caring experience that feels fairer and more manageable for us.
“I honestly don't think gender matters. If someone needs care you give the best care possible and make sure you listen to the best advice you can”
What next...
It’s important to remember that, however unique our caring situation is, we’re not alone in our experiences. Connecting with others who get it can help us feel better supported and less alone. If we’re looking for a supportive community, the Mobilise Hub is a great place to start. If we find we need specific support for our situation or just need someone to listen, we can reach out to our local support organisation.
If we feel like we want to talk to our friends or family about this but might need some help thinking about how to approach it, we might find the following reads helpful:
